Lighthouse

A survivors reaching hand

My name is Noor. Did you know it means light? Or glowing?

Many will say I am victim or survivor of domestic abuse but I usually say I’m just me, Noor with my flaws and all. I am like you.

I’m here share to perhaps be a light, a spark of hope or a reaching hand to another woman out here.
You are not alone.

Exactly one year ago, as of December 29 ‘20, I remember looking down at at my bloody hand and barefoot being locked out begging to be let into the house he locked me out…. I remember saying “no Noor, you can’t do this to yourself”
thank god I had my cell and I did the bravest thing, I dialled 911…..
I thought that was the bravest, but did you know only 5% of women actually go into the police stations, give statements and go through with the charges.
I remember the detective telling me that, I remember doing the math….. so you mean that’s 5 out of 100.
Yes….. the detective responds.
So there’s 95 abusers walking around out there I respond.
Yes ….. he responds.
So out of 1000…. 950 are walking free.
Yes…. he responds.
I didn’t know there were that many monsters I said.
He responds telling me yes, you really have to be careful Noor.
I understood later on, that me giving that statement was brave.
He looked at me said Noor there’s help for you please take advantage of it, can I give victim services your number. Him & his boss also looked at me said noor please don’t go back it’s going to get worse you could die next time.
I looked took a deep breath and accepted help. I usually don’t, but I knew this was bigger than me. And said it already has gotten bad I’m here.

Through victim services I was connected to Yrccs- Lauren was my first contact there.

I promised myself one thing through this process is that I am going to be truthful, honest, and vulnerable. Not hide anything.
I’m glad I told myself that…..
I can’t even begin to explain the gratitude I have for everyone.
I remember meeting Lauren telling her my experience and she proceeded to look at me and say can I show you something….she slid the paper for me to read.

There was no denying it…. right in front of me there it was in black & white was a paper about domestic abuse power & control, and I had just described everything on that paper. I looked her said oh my god.
Broke down and said I don’t know what to do or where to go. My things are at his fathers house, I lost my home I can’t go back, I miscarried, I time off work, I can’t pay for things…. she calmed me down and said we are here to help you, all of us.

And they did. They kept every word that they can help me with, they connected me to housing, therapy, shelter movers, financial and more.

I am here now, safe, with all the support of these organizations.

Some advice to you is one, go no contact with the abuser, the longer you are disconnected the more you can see clearer! The detachment helps you realize a lot of things. It will take a bit but I promise from my experience that helped. Please take at least month or two months away.

Two, learn to advocate for yourself! I mean it. Learn to ask for help & be honest what you can and can’t do. If you can’t speak English or shy ask someone you trust to help. And sometimes don’t accept no as the final answer, advocate.

Three, you can break the cycle. If you have children I urge to be the first to stop this from continuing on.

Four, don’t believe the negative voice in your head or his voice in your head. It’s all lies. You can & you will.

I’ll end with this…..
We as women are strong, resilient, beautiful and powerful. We are creators of life. Nurturers of love and compassion.
When we break the silence we are changing the world to a better place not only for our future children, men and women but for yourself, your peace of mind.

Remember you are not alone. And to trust even when it is the most difficult to trust.
You will be free and one day hopefully I will read about your story too.

Love all-ways Noor
A reaching hand

Every action or word spoken out of kindness and compassion carries the energy to change this Earth.